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Keywords:

• Spaghetti and Car Bombs

Comment: good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?

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• I can feel your judgement

Comment: through the phone

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• We are 100% horrible people

Comment: and im extremely happy we are friends

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• Admit it. It's a brilliant plan

Comment: with hundreds of possible repercutions.

Keywords:

• You act like I was drinking alone

Comment: ...I had the entire Verizon network with me

Keywords:

• Its a good night to get drunk

Comment: in my onesie

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• hes totally cute

Comment: too bad i slept with his father

Keywords:

• Drinking loves me for WHO I am

Keywords:

• moral of the story

Comment: I'm going to stab everyone

Keywords:

• I left a beer in front of your door

Comment: ...there's a note with that says "peace offering"

Keywords:

• sometimes i think i'm bisexual

Comment: but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself

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• I've already reverted to sweat pants

Comment: And lonely drinking.

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• Apparently it's not a "bonding moment"

Comment: when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend

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• Too lazy to make dinner

Comment: Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.

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• organizing the empties

Comment: That sober.